372 The Habits of the Highly Influential – Teresa de Grosbois

What you will hear in our discussion with Teresa de Grosbois:

  • Starting Over after Everything Fall Apart
  • Two Habits of the Most Influential
  • How to Get to Know Influential People
  • What NOT to do if You Want More Influence
  • Starting Over after a Painful Time

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More about our featured guest Teresa de Grosbois

Teresa de Grosbois (say de-Grow-bwa) is on a mission to change the planet, one word of mouth epidemic at a time! A three-times best selling author, Teresa believes we can shift the thinking of society just by understanding how to generate the spread of positive word of mouth. Teresa de Grosbois is also founder of the Evolutionary Business Council.

Her passionate goal is to have have transformational principles touch the lives of 1 Billion people by 2020, by growing 1000 thought-leaders. 

Book

Full Transcript

[00:42] Joel: On the show today, this lady is on a mission to change the planet one word-of-mouth epidemic at a time. And she has three best sellers to credit so far, and the book that we are celebrating with her today, it is hot off the press, get your hands on it, it's called “Mass Influence-The Habits of the Highly Influential.” And Teresa de Grosbois, I've been practicing that name all day today, we have never officially done a ReLaunch show together, and wow, we're celebrating with you the release of your latest book. Congratulations on the book and welcome to ReLaunch, this is a pleasure.

[01:23] Teresa De Grosbois: Aw, it's so great to be here Joel, thank you so much.

[01:27] Joel: Absolutely, and gosh we've been looking forward to this show. Teresa, this show is highly practical because it is all about the ReLaunch, and how you did it. And it's also about becoming known in your niche, being influential, again, how you did it. And while we've all experienced numerous launches and relaunches throughout our life, I generally ask our guests to zero in the relaunch that has been the most transformational for them and then we just unfold the story from there. And we'll do that with you here in just a few minutes if that's okay, but I like to start off the shows with a quick piece of takeaway gold. And your relaunch, one of them anyways, involves a turn around, come back as a lady who went through divorce, a women who lost her business, lost her dad, and then later had to pull herself up by her bootstraps as a single mom, so I definitely wanna get into that relaunch story, but let me ask you this. If you kinda fast forward to where you are today as a expert in the field of influence, what would you say is the number one challenge that people have when it comes to exercising their own influence?

[02:44] Teresa De Grosbois: Oh, I love that question. I think for a lot of people, there's something we all intuitively know, but it's not front and center enough for us and that is we learn one set of rules… Well, we start with learning a set of rules when we're kids in the playground, and then we start business and we learn a set of rules for networking and business. And then we start trying to network with influencers and we start realizing, “Wow, influencers have a different rulebook they play with.” We all intuitively know it's fine to offer to buy someone lunch or a coffee at a networking function, and yet if you met Oprah Winfrey you'd know, well that's not a good idea to offer her to buy coffee. Her gatekeepers would be in the way so fast your head would spin, right?

[03:29] Joel: Right, right.

[03:30] Teresa De Grosbois: But most of us don't know where that rulebook changed, and why, and what actually is the different rulebook that influencers play by? So, I think the biggest challenge for most people is that they're all-star athletes at one game and nobody's really introduced them to the different sport, and therefore they flounder.

[03:48] Joel: That's a great analogy, they're all-stars in one game, but then when the game changes it's like, “Okay, the rules have changed, the players are still here, but now what do I do?” Right?

[04:01] Teresa De Grosbois: Yeah, exactly.

[04:02] Pei: Well, now you've got me really intrigued.

[04:04] Joel: I knew that was coming.

[04:05] Pei: Yeah. [chuckle] So, we're gonna really have to dig into that a little deeper later on.

[04:10] Joel: Yeah, indeed. So, back up a little bit and let's talk about the relaunch that has transformed you and then we'll just kinda find our way back to talking about “Mass Influence”, because gosh, I wanna hear about that book.

[04:23] Teresa De Grosbois: Well, I would love to. I think for me, the biggest transformation happened when I had what I would now affectionately call my “really bad year.” And I talk to people about this, and so many people can relate to this. In the first six months of that year my business had failed, I lost my health, my marriage had fallen apart, and my father passed away. And I remember actually there was a specific day, I'm sitting in the bathroom of my post marriage break-up condo, and I've also been a renovator, so I'm sitting there surrounded by tools because this bathroom's gonna be my latest project. And there's literally tears streaming down my face because the only thing I can think of looking at these tools is that it's me that needs renovating, it's me that needs being fixed. And it was one of those amazing, incredible, miraculous moments because in the depths of my sadness, and frustration, and pain, I really saw that looking back over the last 20 years of my life, I couldn't honestly look back and point to a time that I was really on fire, happy.

[05:38] Teresa De Grosbois: I had all the outward trappings of success. I had a great career in Canada's oil and gas industry, a healthy six figure income, leadership position, two healthy kids, the beautiful house, the great car, and I couldn't actually think of when have I actually been happy with all of this? So, it was an awesome moment because I made the decision in that moment, that I'm gonna be my next project. I started doing every self-help course I could get my hands on.

[06:06] Pei: So those are the hammers and tools you got a hold of.

[06:09] Teresa De Grosbois: Exactly. Yeah. And the interesting thing was, in the course of the next couple of years, slowly, my life significantly started to change. Within two years of that time, I had left my job as a leader in the oil and gas sector, I had started a new charity to build schools in Africa, I actually pursued my hobby to write children's books, to raise money for the charity, and quickly put all three children's books on the best seller list. And then, two really significant things happened. The first was, I figured out pretty quickly that I didn't like being a children's author. I enjoyed it, but it wasn't lighting me on fire any more than working in the oil and gas sector had. And the second thing that I discovered was that I had people coming at me in droves, asking me, “Holy cow, Teresa! It's three best sellers in eight months. How the heck did you do that?” And, in the same way that fish don't get water, a lot of us don't get what we're truly gifted at, until other people point it out to us. And I remember one day, I'm sitting having tea with my best friend, Shawne Duperon, she's also a professional speaker.

[07:25] Joel: We love, love, love Shawne.

[07:27] Teresa De Grosbois: Oh, I know. It is just amazing, the work she does with Project Forgive.

[07:30] Joel: Absolutely.

[07:31] Teresa De Grosbois: And, Shawne looks at me one day and says, “Honey, if the universe is sending you a flood of something, don't you think you should pay attention?”

[07:39] Joel: That sounds exactly like Shawne would say. And a quick plug for Shawne, my gosh, if you haven't listened to some of our killer podcasts with Shawne Duperon, just joelboggess.com, put Shawne with an ‘e', in the search bar, and gosh, listen to some of the things that…

[08:00] Pei: It's joelboggess.com/173.

[08:03] Joel: Or you can go there. Fantastic. Slash…

[08:07] Pei: Yeah, amazing. Just like you mentioned, Project Forgive, that is the story of it, yeah.

[08:14] Joel: She's our best friend too, but go ahead.

[08:17] Teresa De Grosbois: Yeah, talk about word of mouth epidemic, hey.

[08:20] Joel: Yeah.

[08:20] Teresa De Grosbois: Well, anyway, that was the moment of rebrand. I changed my brand overnight, and I've never looked back since, 'cause I realized, what I've been doing my whole career was influencing change, running big initiatives to gather energy around certain ideas, but I hadn't been doing it for something I really loved. And when I shifted the focus to doing my skills as an influencer, teaching people of influence, for emerging thought leaders, people who are really about changing the world, and doing good in the world, that completely lit me on fire, and I've never looked back since.

[09:00] Joel: Let me jump in right there, because you're blazing through it, and I'm eager to hear about, yeah, the today, what's going on. But talk about, if you will, Teresa, some of the things that you learned or re-learned, about yourself. You've mentioned that you enrolled in all the self-development classes, you probably did a lot of book reading, a lot of listening to audio programs, and what not. But I'm just curious, the things that, when you did that deep dive, you might have been in a room by yourself, just reflecting, and doing the self-care that was needed. What were some of the things that you learned or re-learned about Teresa's possibilities, potential value?

[09:49] Teresa De Grosbois: Well, you know, I think the biggest one, and this is actually one of the habits of the highly influential, and it's not the first or most foundational, but it's one of the most important. And that is that when you live your passion, it's so much easier to be influential. People respond to passion. Passion is actually the fuel that lights the wildfire of your word of mouth epidemic, right. So when I started doing what I was good at, for something I deeply loved, and really cared about, my ability to become influential increased exponentially overnight.

[10:23] Pei: So, when you were studying those programs, what kind of program, were they more of a business, or was it more of a helping you find out who you are?

[10:36] Teresa De Grosbois: I would say, I did some of each. I went back and did an entire certificate in mediation, 'cause I've always been a conflict avoider. I did some programs from Landmark Education, which I think are wonderful programs. They're one of the bigger training companies in the world. I did some work with Jack Canfield, I went… I actually did a lot of trainings with Shawne Duperon in the earlier days. That's how she and I got to know each other, as fellow trainers. I started going to some of her workshops. And a lot of them had different takes on transformation. Some of them were transforming yourself within business, some of them were transforming yourself within life. And I really thing it's quite cool to dive into both halves of that conversation.

[11:20] Pei: Yeah. And I love when you said passion is the way to influence, 'cause if you come across somebody talking to you with great passion, enthusiasm, it's contagious.

[11:36] Joel: Oh, yeah. Like she said earlier, like a wildfire. Yeah. Absolutely. Okay. So, Teresa, I'll be devil's advocate here. Why is it so hard for people to sometimes get that within themselves? The concept, we've all heard the concept before, right, and intellectually we kinda understand that, but gosh, it's tough for some folks who kind of wrap their head around that. Well, why is that?

[12:04] Teresa De Grosbois: It's such an awesome question. Our dreams are really, really big to us. And here's the thing, the universe put a dream in your heart 'cause you're the one meant to do it, right? But our inner dialogue fights against us becoming influential, because we all have… There's tons of experts out there, talking about inner dialogue. Randy Gage calls it “mind viruses.” There's different terms for it, but most of us have an inner dialogue that says, “I couldn't possibly be good enough to pursue my dreams because my dreams are huge and they're important because they're my dreams!” And so, it's interesting by the mere fact that we've made it our dream, a lot of us also immediately get in our way of walking that path because our inner dialogue defeats us from going in that direction. It's actually one of the biggest challenges for people stepping into influence, is overcoming their inner dialogue around that.

[13:09] Pei: That is so true. Sometimes when I hear the phrase of, “But I don't quite know my passion,” sometimes that could be true but other times, it could be we're just not giving ourselves permission to even step a little further into that nudge.

[13:30] Joel: Let me jump in real quick here, Teresa, and then we're gonna get right into Mass Influence -. Passion can be a funny word and I think that it sometimes tricks people because they're not quite sure what it means or they don't quite know what it feels like. Okay? And so sometimes when people are struggling with that word, “Gosh, passion, passion. Okay, I've heard the word, but I kind of don't know if I'm feeling it or not,” sometimes I use the word excitement.

[14:04] Teresa De Grosbois: Great word.

[14:06] Joel: Thank you. Well, for some folks, myself included too, it's an easier word to wrap your head around and it's an easier emotion to kind of grasp, to get a hold of. You know when you're excited or you know what excites you or has in the past.

[14:27] Teresa De Grosbois: Yeah, I love that. I love the way Janet Attwood talks about passion. She wrote, of course, the New York Times bestseller “The Passion Test” and she talks about, really look at, what are you doing when you're happiest? And another way to look at that is if you could really create one miracle for the world, if you got to become Harry Potter tomorrow and you could create a spell that would solve one really big problem out there in the world, what would that be? That's very likely what your passion is and where you can be most influential.

[14:59] Joel: What a great way to say it, thank you so much for that. Okay, so Mass Influence -. Now, talk a little bit about why this book needed to happen, number one, but the deeper dive question is, why did you need to write it?

[15:16] Teresa De Grosbois: Oh, I love that question. Well, one of the reasons I wrote this book was because I was seeing so many people make the same mistakes I'd made and learned not to make in terms of first meeting influential people and then becoming influential yourself. ‘Cause here it is in a nutshell, let me just sum it up for you: You can't make yourself famous. You need other influential people to give you influence. And therefore, influence is actually a currency to influential people. Influential people are masters at building relationship because they use influence to build relationship with. It's almost like the apple pie that you take the next-door neighbor when you wanna meet the new neighbor, right? And so, what you see is one of the key habits of influential people, is that they routinely give influence to other people that they authentically admire.

[16:14] Teresa De Grosbois: I would shout out your guys' show any day of the week, I love what you guys do in terms of really shining a light on wonderful, incredible people who are doing amazing, transformational things for the planet. For me, that's as simple as breathing 'cause I'm such a big fan of what you do, right? And that is indicative of a habit of influential people. The more you shine a light on other people that you admire, the more that light will start shining back on you.

[16:45] Joel: So, I'm curious about this, what did you get from writing the book? The obvious question would be, well, what will people get? But I like to kind of be a little bit different and say, well, what did you get out of writing and then re-reading and then re-reading your own copy?

[17:04] Teresa De Grosbois: I love that question. That's a great question 'cause truthfully, my answer would be very selfish and very philanthropic all at the same time, because I'm happiest and I'm most stoked up when I feel like I'm really contributing to the world in a big way. And so, one of my colleagues challenged me earlier this year, he said, “Teresa, you need a crazy big goal 'cause you're the kind of person that responds to a crazy big goal.” So I created this goal for the Evolutionary Business Council, which is the organization of emerging thought leaders that I run, and the goal is that success-based principles, transformational principles, will reach 1.2 billion people on this planet by the year 2020.

[17:50] Teresa De Grosbois: And when we set that goal, we got really excited. The reason we chose 1.2 billion is that's the tipping point, right? And when I say transformational principles, I just mean, we want people to get that we control our own destiny. When you learn to really start paying attention to your own thoughts and master your own thoughts, you can start creating your own life. How exciting is that, right? And so one of the reasons that I wanted to write this book from a selfish perspective is, I really find it so fun and so exciting to help people step into, how could we really shift the planet right now? How could we have it so that our kids grow up in a world where anyone realizes that they can live the thing that they're happiest when they're doing, that we can all actually be the architects of our own lives and that you don't have to accept a job you hate, you can recreate your life when you just learn to be really intentional about your life and really intentional about how you think about the world. This is really a book for anyone who wants to create positive change, whether it be in an organization, in your community or in the world at large. This is basically the rule book of how that sport is played.

[19:06] Joel: Well that's one of the reasons that we love having you out because this show, Relaunch, the people that listen to this show, the authors, the podcasters, the concept creators, they had that hunger, Teresa, like you and I share and Pei shares. That we wanna do something for the greater good, we wanna do something that will shift and make things better for people in a big, big way. So really appreciate you sharing and spending some time with us here on this show. Can you give some practical guidance for increasing our own influence so we can…

[19:44] Pei: Yeah, maybe one of the habits.

[19:46] Joel: Yeah, yeah, one or two, at least.

[19:48] Teresa De Grosbois: I would love to. Well let me start with the biggest mistake.

[19:51] Joel: Okay.

[19:52] Teresa De Grosbois: The biggest mistake I see people make is what I would affectionately call the “premature ask,” right? People always look at me and say, “The premature what?” [laughter] But it's essentially the equivalent of, you wanna meet the new neighbor, maybe you've just moved into a new neighborhood and the neighbor comes by and the first thing they do is say, “Oh, I love that lawn mower. I can't wait to borrow that baby.” And people do this to influential people all the time. Maybe they're at a big event and they wanna meet the speaker on stage and we've all been to those marketing and training courses that are really pressing into us, “Get out there and ask. If you don't ask, you don't get! Always be closing! !” And so people, they'll rush up to influential people and they'll ask for all kinds of crazy things. “Will you endorse my book?” “Will you shout me out on you Facebook?” “Oh, you know this other influential person I really wanna connect with, will you introduce me to them?”

[20:51] Teresa De Grosbois: And the reality is, it's almost desperation, I would call it, is actually a show-stopper for connecting with influential people. It's like rushing over to the neighbor and saying, “Oh, you're going to love my kids. You're gonna really enjoy babysitting them.” [laughter] And we don't realize that that's what we're doing to influential people, right? So the first thing I would say, the first takeaway is relax. There's nothing to hurry up and do.

[21:20] Joel: Okay.

[21:21] Teresa De Grosbois: All you need to do is start building relationship and the way influential people build relationship is, they give influence to each other, right? So here's the number one thing I would say, “Your social media is not to sell you, it's the equivalent of the apple pie that you would take to the neighbor.” So your radio show, your Facebook page, whatever it is that you have, that's your one-to-many conversation, that's your means of gifting influence to other influential people. That's how you build relationship with them. You're way better off to have 200 influential people loving you and shouting out your work than trying to sell yourself to the small following you have personally.

[22:04] Joel: I completely agree.

[22:05] Pei: Wow. Yeah, that is such a key point 'cause when we help authors and podcasters, a lot of times… In this noisy world, we try to find ways to be known or get our voice heard but instead of focusing on our own content is the way to get influence is build relationships.

[22:30] Joel: Absolutely. One of the things that I say in the pod-tips that I frequently write and I've put out on various platforms and whatnot, is that if you want to… Or actually, I say, before you ask somebody to be on your show or before you try to recruit a guest, add value to them, first. Review their book on Amazon. If they have their own podcast, review it on iTunes and Stitcher and the other places. Add value to them first. Tweet out their content before you make for any kind of ask because what that does is that lays a foundation… And… Right, right.

[23:11] Teresa De Grosbois: Absolutely, you and Pei do this exquisitely, Joel. I love shouting out your show because you guys are such a service to the industry.

[23:20] Joel: Thank you.

[23:21] Teresa De Grosbois: That you do what we talked about in the book as “easily as breathing.”

[23:27] Pei: Well, thank you. Now if we get a little details here when you say use our social media pages to actually build relationship, do you suggest for us to share other influencers' content to help promote…

[23:44] Teresa De Grosbois: Absolutely.

[23:44] Pei: Okay.

[23:45] Teresa De Grosbois: Yep.

[23:45] Pei: Okay.

[23:45] Teresa De Grosbois: So, for example, you can draw energy to someone else's Facebook page by sharing the posters or the content they share on their Facebook page. You can draw attention to an influential blogger by reposting their latest blog posts to your phone or you can mention it in their newsletter, right? And one of the things you wanna make sure is that they know that you're doing it, right? So if you're doing it on Facebook, tag them. If you're doing it in your newsletter or reposting to your blog, send them a quick email and let them know. They will be so thrilled that you did it.

[24:21] Pei: Yes.

[24:21] Joel: Absolutely. And they'll definitely see your Twitter, it will show up in their feed. So very good. Okay, so do we have time for another habit? I'm loving what we're talking about here.

[24:34] Pei: Yes. [chuckle]

[24:36] Teresa De Grosbois: I would love to.

[24:37] Joel: Okay.

[24:37] Teresa De Grosbois: Okay. So, the next really big habit of influential people I would say, and this one is no surprise, is Authenticity. And this is one where a lot of people gets stopped, right? There's a lot of different definitions of authenticity out there, here's mine: Your inner voice is saying the same thing as your outer voice, right? And a lot of people don't get where they're being stopped in their own inauthenticity, right? If you're not living the thing you most love, in other words, if what you're doing you're doing just to make money, you've got an authenticity problem 'cause you're inwardly saying “Oh God, I hate this,” and you're outwardly saying, “This is a really good, great product. I think you should buy it.” Right? So, this is another argument for really aligning with what you love doing. The area you're most excited about, you're most passionate about 'cause that's actually where you're most authentic, right? So, you really want to look at, are you working with people that you really admire? Even in terms of who you choose as clients, and contractors, and customers. The more you're in alignment that what's coming out of your mouth is the same as what you're thinking, the easier it is for you to become influential.

[25:49] Joel: What a great definition for authenticity too.

[25:49] Pei: So true.

[25:53] Teresa De Grosbois: Thank you.

[25:53] Pei: And it's easy to understand and it's very true.

[25:56] Teresa De Grosbois: Yeah. I mean we can all spot someone who's incongruent.

[26:00] Pei: Yes.

[26:01] Teresa De Grosbois: Everyone can see it a mile away when somebody is inwardly saying, maybe they're a realtor, and they're saying “Oh my God, I really need this sale,” and they're outwardly saying, “This is a great piece of land. You could build your dream home here.” And it just doesn't line up, and so it's easy to spot.

[26:23] Pei: Yeah. I so agree 'cause I also heard 90% of our communication is actually non-verbal. I mean even if it's not through your… The words we speak but it could be the tones of our voice or our body gesture. So, yeah.

[26:44] Joel: With congruency, everything lines up. Is that fair to say, Teresa?

[26:48] Teresa De Grosbois: Absolutely, I couldn't agree more. And when you look at influential people, they're deeply congruent. Whatever they are doing is something they're very aligned with. They are passionate about it, they're excited about it. What comes out of their mouth, you can clearly tell it's the same as what's going on between the ears.

[27:07] Joel: Speaking of someone who's excited and passionate about what she's doing, talking today with best selling author Teresa de Grosbois, and the name of the book, the latest book, it's hot off the press, get your hands on this, it's called “Mass Influence-The Habits of the Highly Influential.” Teresa, of course, you're welcome back here on ReLaunch anytime, and we are so grateful for you just spend a little bit of time with us today, and making this happen. So have a wonderful, wonderful rest of your day, and thank you. God bless.

[27:42] Teresa De Grosbois: It's just been a joy to be here. Thanks so much, Joel and Pei.

Connect with Teresa on Twitter, Facebook and her website.

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Joel Boggess

Keynote Speaker | Corporate Trainer | Award-winning podcaster I help teams ignite their courage, take bolder steps, and get greater results. Together, we create possibilities that bring empowerment, meaning, and financial impact.

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